Since one of my very oldest friends is getting married and I'm headed to the shower, I've been suffering from a case of the 'if only's today. Why am I not still with this one, or that one? Why didn't I stay to make it work? Could it have worked? Then I started making the calculations, well, if I had stayed or if it had worked out, then x wouldn't have happened, leading to y, to z, today's situation.
Reminded me of this great American Indian story I know. Here goes: Two older women run into each other one day. They knew each other as girls and are eager to hear how the other's life has turned out. As they learn about the way the other woman's life unfolded, they begin to look at their own life and wonder, If only I had done this, I would have the wonderful happiness that the other one has... They are so sad thinking about this great loss that they decide to go to a shaman for advice. The shaman listens to their concerns and sends them both home with a task: weave a tapestry about each of your lives and come back in a month. The women do and when they return, they both are bearing a tapestry that reflects the important parts of their lives. For one, who had travelled the world learning about art and culture, her tapestry showed the important monuments she'd seen and the friends she'd made in the different cultures she'd visited. For the other woman, who had raised a fine family but never left her village, the tapestry showed her wedding and her children's first steps, birthdays and holidays and so on. Taking both of these tapestries in her hands, she said to the women. How your life could have been different if you had only made different choices? That is like pulling just one string out of your tapestry and by so doing, you've undone the whole thing.
I can't pull the threads out either, I placed them their with my own hands, imperfect as they might have been, it is all my handiwork.
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